Deadly Weapon
Today, I experienced one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I survived, but just barely. And I am certain that the moment will live on in my memory for decades to come. As I write this, I am sitting in a dorm room at a camp for girls. Just in case you are [...]
The Green Machine
Is it just me, or does it seem that everyone is becoming obsessed with being “green”? You know what I mean. Everyone recycles. Everyone uses chemical-free pesticides. Everyone eats tofu. Save our planet and all that. And though I’m all in favor of saving our planet, I’m often the last one to jump on any [...]
Breakthrough Discovery
I have made a breakthrough discovery, which, if marketed correctly, could earn me countless millions. I have discovered why men and women don’t understand each other. If I were smart, I’d hang onto this information and sell it only to those who are willing to pay an obscene amount of money. But have I ever [...]
Bounced
Last week, I attended a writer’s retreat in the beautiful Colorado Rockies. I didn’t say much while I was there. After all, I’m not a real writer, and I didn’t want to give away my secret. I don’t think humor columnists count, do they? As I sat around listening to the real writers discuss things [...]
Keep Going
Don’t you just love to watch people run? Whether they’re running a race, or a marathon, or just trying to get into shape, there’s something inspiring about seeing a person running. Every time I see a runner, I just want to cheer and encourage him or her to keep going. Well, with one possible exception. [...]
Happy Mother’s Day
Has anyone out there ever really calculated all the things that a mother does? Oh, I’m sure they’ve tried. But I’m not sure it’s possible to come up with a complete job description. Just when you think you have recorded every possible thing a mother is required to do, something new will inevitably make its [...]
A Pretty Package
In my bathroom drawer, I have about every type of cosmetic product you can imagine. There is lipstick, lip liner, eyeshadow, eyeliner, blush, mascara . . . even some sparkly, glittery stuff to give me that fairy-talish quality. Then, there is the stuff that removes all the aforementioned stuff: cold cream, cleanser, astringent . . [...]
To Kill a Mockingbird
An unlikely star has risen out of a village in Scotland. Her name is Susan Boyle, and she is a forty-seven year old, unemployed woman who lived with and cared for her ailing mother until the woman’s death, a couple of years ago. She’s never been married. Never been kissed. She recently walked onto a [...]
Love Letters
My family is into racing. No, not the Nascar kind of racing. Actual running. Every single day. Well, except for Sundays. Aren’t you impressed? I’ll bet you had no idea we were such a fit family. We would probably be more fit if the race were a little longer. But our racetrack is only the [...]
Pick Me!
Do you remember that feeling, in third grade, when the teacher lined everyone up against the wall, appointed two team captains, and told them to choose teams? Man, I hated those times. My palms got all sweaty, and I could barely breathe. Pick me, pick me, please pick me. If the teams were athletic, I [...]
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